Library Amphitheatre — After a torrent of student criticism over the administration’s most recent attempt to promote campus wellbeing, Olympus announced at Monday’s assembly the decision to reschedule Quiet Time during the early morning hours between 2:30 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. “Following perfunctory debates between administration heads, we decided to bypass community input and go ahead and schedule Quiet Time in a period where everyone can enjoy it,” an Olympus spokesperson announced. Quiet Time, a thirty minute period intended to relieve community pressures, was originally scheduled in the timeframe directly before Formal Dinner.
Students and faculty voiced their concerns, noting numerous foreseeable conflicts— sports games, Formal preparations, and horse obligations. Community outrage has prompted the administration to re-evaluate other options: “Quiet time is not supposed to be stressful. That’s why we moved it to the vampire hours where we can all have time to reflect.” The administration offered students advice, encouraging them to “wander the woods in the darkness before dawn.” Other teachers have offered yoga instruction, prayer meetings, and meditation sessions during the time most reasonable humans are dormant. “After putting our brains together before this announcement, we discovered that those hours are the best time to rest,” a statement released by Olympus remarked. This revelation comes before the first Quiet Time has yet to be implemented.
Another Olympus head commented in equivocal metaphors: “Look, we can’t have it both ways. The endless waves of the open ocean are here, and we must anchor ourselves. Students, faculty, embrace the thrall of night. Hear the crickets chirping.” When one student observed that the community values their sleep, the spokesperson responded, “Well hey, at least we don’t have to wear ties at formal.”